Tuesday, June 10, 2014

Things That The People Who Love Their Lives Are Doing Differently

Surprise, surprise… happy people live their lives differently. They don’t have different lives. They just do a better job at living them than those who are unhappy.
Happiness is the result of subjective interpretation of perception. Of course, what we perceive isn’t always done so by choice — life does throw things our way.
However, most of the time, we find ourselves in the situations we are in because of actions we took and decisions we made. It’s the way that you live your life that largely decides whether or not you will live happily.

They don’t bother trying to make others like them — mainly because they don’t care if they’re liked.

They like themselves and they are the only people they ever answer to. You could like them. You could hate them. You could pay them no mind whatsoever — doesn’t make a difference to them.
They do what they do because they decided to do it. They aren’t trying to gain your approval or acceptance. They don’t want to be part of your team — they’re a team of their own. They live their lives the way they see fit and if you like them for it, great. If not… then so be it.

They do things because they want to do them, not because they believe they have to do them.

They don’t believe they have to do anything. Other than pay taxes and die of course — everything else is a decision followed by deliberate action. If they are doing something, going somewhere, participating in something, it’s because that is exactly what it is that they want to be doing.
No one coerced them or tricked them into doing it because they value their opinion above everyone else’s. They do what they believe is right and don’t bother to ask for permission — they just do it.

They love their friends but don’t rely on them.

Friends are tricky because they aren’t really yours, are they? You don’t own them. They are their own people who have their own wants and needs — people who will always put themselves ahead of you and your goals. Friends are great to have, but relying on them too heavily will leave you disappointed.
Those who live happy lives have very close friends, but they keep their independence in order to avoid those moments. It’s the lack of independence and over-reliance that often comes to ruin friendships — all relationships for that matter.

When you ask them what they do, they don’t give you a job title.

They tell you about the things they are doing with their lives — the places they have visited and are planning on visiting. The projects they are starting or part of. The problems they are working towards solving and the communities they are working with to get those problems solved.
When you ask them what they do, they respond with what they do in their lives, not what work they do in order to pay for the lives they want to one day be living. The real trick is that these individuals know better than to wait to live the lives they want to live. You live life whether you accept or ignore the fact, how you live it in the moment determines how happy you are.

When you ask them where they live, they say, “At the moment…”

Happy people tend to move around a bit. Maybe it’s because traveling does the soul good. Maybe it’s because the stagnancy of staying in one place their whole lives bores them.
Maybe it’s because they love meeting new people and having new experiences. Maybe it’s because they haven’t found the right place to settle down just yet. You see, these individuals see the world as their home — no single country or city. If you ask them where they live, then they’d answer “earth” if they wouldn’t come off sounding highfalutin.

They have their own philosophies, their own religion they created and live by.

You don’t need a book to tell you how you ought to live your life. You can live your life by whatever philosophy you wish — as long as you found truths that satisfy you. They have a strong grasp of right and wrong and are their own judges.

They embrace their impermanence.

They know they’re only mortal — having this knowledge and accepting it fuels their every step. You will too. Why? Because it is inevitable. There is no way of avoiding it, only dealing with the fact.
The happiest of people don’t fear death. They don’t do their best to avoid it. They see it as the inevitability that it is in and live their lives by their terms. They may not be able to control death, but they know they sure as hell can control their own personal lives.

They see the world as their playhouse and their mind as the conductor.

They don’t believe there is a single way that the world is — a single reality that exists. Instead, they believe themselves to be the originators of their reality.
They believe they have full control over how they interpret what they perceive. They see the world the way they choose to see it because they understand the power such a skill has. We all live in a reality of our own construction. Some of us just construct our realities better than others.

They live in the moment, but dream in the future.

Happy people have hopes, dreams and goals. They have wants and aspirations, but they don’t allow themselves to get caught up and lost in them. There isn’t so much a time and place for dreaming as there is a maximum allotted amount recommended.
You can’t live life doing nothing more than looking towards the future because you’ll miss the only time that things actually matter or exist: the present. The present, the immediate moment is the only moment that you can actually live in. The rest is only an illusion.

They don’t bother changing others, but instead learn how to deal with them appropriately.

Devoting your energy to changing other people is a waste of it. People do change, but they only do so on their own accord. They have to decide to change themselves and that only happens in time — you can’t push and force because it doesn’t work.
On the contrary, it often does the opposite of what is intended. Instead of wasting time and energy trying to do the impossible, why not do the next best thing? Learn to deal with people as they are in order to get the result you desire. If you can’t change them, then guide them to do as you wish. Otherwise, let them go.

22 Things Competitive People Know To Be True

1. Game night usually ends badly…because of you. 


2. As do pickup games.


3. Fundraising can easily get out of control.


4. Class projects make you go slowly insane because you can’t stand relying on others to do well.


5. And joining your company team is a huge gamble.


6. Even trivia night can quickly become your worst nightmare.


7. When someone is working out next to you at the gym, things get intense.


8. Signing up for a marathon means you don’t sleep for weeks.


9. Being on a team with a bunch of people that aren’t competitive is actually your worst nightmare.


10. A debate in class was always your favorite day but your classmates were legitimately upset if they had to debate against you.


11. Playing any kind of sports against your friends is NEVER a good idea.


12. In fact, you try to avoid competing against anyone you like because you are worried about how it might end.


13. Watching your favorite team and knowing you can do NOTHING to help them win is enough to destroy you.


14. It takes you longer than most to “move on” from a loss.


15. It’s difficult for you to “take it easy” on anyone, even children.


16. Things like Easter egg hunts get out of hand.


17. You always had to know everyone’s grades, not just your own.


18. You have been in legitimate fights about who called “shotgun” first.


19. It’s difficult to participate in a casual game of rock, paper, scissors.


20. You refuse to participate in any activity where you know you will lose.


21. Every moment turns into a competition and you can’t even help it.


22. And you know no matter how much you love winning…you’ll always hate losing more.

Dream It, Do It: 7 Ways You Can Think Yourself Into Success

Have you ever thought you can’t be successful because you don’t have enough money, don’t live in the right city, don’t have the right connections or don’t know anyone willing to help you? I have many times, and I’m here to tell you, you need to relax.
Does anxiety ever bring about anything productive?
No, but this behavior is normal. We all struggle for ways to cope with worry because humans are programmed to rely on fear to help ease rejection. Often we don’t try hard enough to achieve our goals because our mind is trying to protect us from failing.
So, what’s the good news, you ask? The secret is that the outside world has nothing to do with making your dreams come true: Success is a decision.
You must consciously pay attention to your thoughts and realize that negativity is preventing you from flourishing. You are the only one who decides your fate; we are masters of our own universe.
Here are some of the best ways to turn your dreams into a reality:

Practice gratitude, right now.

I really can’t stress enough what this simple technique has brought to my life. I think every woman at some point thinks she is not good enough, and there’s always someone smarter, prettier, more successful and more desirable.
The only relief I have ever found for this concern is being thankful. We always think about what we don’t have, and we constantly compare ourselves to others.
Take the chance to stop for one moment and realize what you do have. You probably have much more than most people. How can you use those resources to get what you really want from life? Think about it.

Write down what you want and be specific.

Figure out what you really want before trying to make it happen. Just thinking you want to be rich, famous, live in a big city or have the perfect relationship doesn’t cut it.
You must come up with a plan and find something specific that excites you. If it’s a tall, handsome man with blue eyes, so be it. Once you write it down, it’s on its way to becoming real.

Trust your gut.

If you have to think twice about what you’re writing down, don’t write it. Don’t force yourself to do something just because other people tell you to do it; this exercise is about you. Everyone is unique and has different passions in life, so trust that all is possible.

Believe that your goals will come true.

It doesn’t matter if you live in a small town in the Midwest, or in the African wilderness; the universe has a way of bringing things to you that it believes you really want.
I grew up on St. Maarten, a small island in the Caribbean, but I always believed I would be writing and selling books in New York City.
When I was 12 years old, I used to practice my signature for people. Suddenly, as if no time had passed at all, I found myself in NYC working in fashion. Even though I still hung onto my dream of being a published author, I thought maybe I had gotten my dreams wrong.
Still, I went with the flow, trusting that the universe knew what I wanted, and this year I published my first novel. So, read what you write down; read it every day until you believe it.

Pay attention to coincidence or déjà vu.

Coincidences are not always just random events; they are hints that help turn your dreams into your reality. You must consciously recognize them and pay attention to the signs. How do they fit into your plan for success?

Forgive yourself for your mistakes and live in the present moment.

We all make mistakes, but they are in the past now. You can’t change your blunders, but you can learn from them. Everyone regrets things they have done; the trick is to live in the present moment and pay attention to what’s happening right now.
Don’t miss those little coincidences because you’re stuck on feeling guilty about something you can’t change. Move forward with your dreams.

Be patient, enjoy the journey and lose the emotions.

Enjoy the good and the bad. Once you recognize that you’re always learning, you’re able to step back and analyze your experiences. One of my favorite quotes is, “This too shall pass.” This saying applies to all things, not only the bad.
When you realize that the good times will come and go as well, you stop having the highs and lows that really play with your emotions and make you lose sight of what’s really important.

Wednesday, June 4, 2014

The Lion In A Pack Of Sheep: 12 Ways To Be The Best Possible Leader

“You can do this,” I reminded myself, “You’ve led meetings before.”
This time, however, it was different.
This time, I was president and something about that title scared me. It came with so many expectations and obligations, and I couldn’t help but wonder if I have what it takes.
“It’s too late to worry about that, though,” I thought as I walked into my first officer meeting of the semester.
Serving as president of Beta Alpha Psi my senior year of college was challenging and exhausting, but always exhilarating. I faced many situations, which at time, felt like unnecessary burdens that I should have never signed myself up to handle. Looking back, though, I now understand that those experiences accelerated my development and provided invaluable insights about the meaning of leadership.
Since then, I’ve held various formal and informal leadership roles through which I’ve acquired 12 rules that have helped me define my role as a leader and understand how to better motivate and manage others:

1. It’s not about you

It’s not about you; it’s about your team and your organization. Your primary purpose is to serve them and keep their best interests in mind. Embracing this philosophy will change the way you view your role as a leader.

2. The foundation

The foundation of an organization isn’t its assets or technology, but rather, the people who run the technology and utilize those assets.
People are not one-dimensional. Every individual has a multitude of skills and interests that don’t always reveal themselves on the surface. As leaders, it is your responsibility to not let these talents go unrecognized and unused.
You must make the time to dig deeper, to truly understand others and to get to know them holistically. Only after doing this can you truly leverage all of their skills.

3. Challenge others to develop

You need to challenge others in order for them to develop. You can’t build muscle in the gym without pushing yourself to lift more, run more and stretch more. Similarly, people must be pushed to grow and develop.
As a leader, it’s your duty to play this role. You’re responsible not just for your team’s business success, but also for the personal and professional success of each individual on the team.

4. Criticize in private; praise in public

Do not try to make an example of others or blame someone else for a fault. It is humiliating for that person and will lose you the respect of some of your teammates. Criticize in private; praise in public.

5. Lead by example

Lead by example and do not hold people to expectations you cannot uphold yourself. If you want people to not text during meetings or to show up on time, you must follow the rules, as well.

6. Don’t be dismissive

Don’t be dismissive of others’ ideas without providing them with a chance to be heard. People often want to feel understood and considered, so do not trivialize their perspectives.
Take arguments into consideration, but don’t shy away from difficult decisions or necessary changes because you want to please everyone. When you try to please everyone, you end up pleasing no one.

7. Be resilient

At the same time, don’t expect others to always like you.
Decisions are rarely unanimous and most people are inherently uncomfortable with change. Whenever you institute new principles or implement different ideas, someone will inevitably disagree. This is not always a bad thing, though. If people aren’t complaining, you’re not changing enough. Be resilient in the face of criticism.

8. Problem solve

Be a provider of solutions. Problems exist to be solved, so don’t waste your time, or your team’s time, whining about it. Instead, focus your team’s energy (and your own) on brainstorming ideas and testing different options.
Do this repeatedly every time you face an obstacle — no matter how small or large. Your goal should be to create a culture of continuous improvement.

9. Listen

Listen more than you speak. Get comfortable with the silence that follows a question or a proposed idea. Moreover, learn to ask the right questions to get others to speak their minds and steer conversations in productive directions.
You do not have to be — and should not be — the driver of all change. Your objective is not to come up with everything yourself, but rather, to build an environment in which others can openly suggest, develop and implement their ideas.

10. Communicate

Don’t avoid tough conversations. The more difficult a conversation seems, the sooner it needs to happen. Postponing these discussions creates a snowball effect: The problem continues to grow, becomes more challenging and often, more costly to handle.

11. Have confidence and humility

Confidence and humility are not mutually exclusive, and great leaders have both. Confidence is about believing in yourself and knowing that you are capable of anything you put your mind to.
Humility is about believing in the power and potential of others. It allows you to empathize with, understand and trust others.
Harnessing the power of confidence and humility enables a leader to be self-assured enough to accept that you shouldn’t try to do or know everything. You should, instead, simply work to ensure that your team has all of the resources it needs to be successful. Your team’s success means your success.

12. Respect

You don’t have to be in a formal leadership role (e.g. a manager at work or a director of an organization) to be a leader.
A leader is anyone who makes a difference in the lives of others, regardless of whether he or she realizes it or not. Being a leader can be as simple as providing advice or exemplifying values others respect and desire to emulate.