15 Body Language Secrets of Successful People

Our bodies have a language of their own, and their words aren’t always kind. Your body language has likely become an integral part of who you are, to the point where you might not even think about it.

If that’s the case, it’s time to start, because you could be sabotaging your career.

TalentSmart has tested more than a million people and found that the upper echelons of top performance are filled with people who are high in emotional intelligence (90% of top performers, to be exact). These people know the power that unspoken signals have in communication and they monitor their own body language accordingly.

What follows are the 15 most common body language blunders that people make, and emotionally intelligent people are careful to avoid.

1. Slouching is a sign of disrespect. It communicates that you’re bored and have no desire to be where you are. You would never tell your boss, “I don’t understand why I have to listen to you,” but if you slouch, you don’t have to—your body says it for you, loud and clear.

The brain is hardwired to equate power with the amount of space people take up. Standing up straight with your shoulders back is a power position. It maximizes the amount of space you fill. Slouching, on the other hand, is the result of collapsing your form—it takes up less space and projects less power.

Maintaining good posture commands respect and promotes engagement from both ends of the conversation.

2. Exaggerated gestures can imply that you’re stretching the truth. Aim for small, controlled gestures to indicate leadership and confidence, and open gestures—like spreading your arms apart or showing the palms of your hands—to communicate that you have nothing to hide.

3. Watching the clock while talking to someone is a clear sign of disrespect, impatience, and inflated ego. It sends the message that you have better things to do than talk to the person you’re with, and that you’re anxious to leave them.

4. Turning yourself away from others, or not leaning into your conversation, portrays that you are unengaged, uninterested, uncomfortable, and perhaps even distrustful of the person speaking.

Try leaning in towards the person who is speaking and tilt your head slightly as you listen to them speak. This shows the person speaking that they have your complete focus and attention.

5. Crossed arms—and crossed legs, to some degree—are physical barriers that suggest you’re not open to what the other person is saying. Even if you’re smiling or engaged in a pleasant conversation, the other person may get a nagging sense that you’re shutting him or her out.

Even if folding your arms feels comfortable, resist the urge to do so if you want people to see you as open-minded and interested in what they have to say.

6. Inconsistency between your words and your facial expression causes people to sense that something isn’t right and they begin to suspect that you’re trying to deceive them, even if they don’t know exactly why or how.

For example, a nervous smile while rejecting an offer during a negotiation won’t help you get what you want; it will just make the other person feel uneasy about working with you because they’ll assume that you’re up to something.

7. Exaggerated nodding signals anxiety about approval. People may perceive your heavy nods as an attempt to show you agree with or understand something that you actually don’t.

8. Fidgeting with or fixing your hair signals that you’re anxious, over-energized, self-conscious, and distracted. People will perceive you as overly concerned with your physical appearance and not concerned enough with your career.

9. Avoiding eye contact makes it look like you have something to hide, and that arouses suspicion. Lack of eye contact can also indicate a lack of confidence and interest, which you never want to communicate in a business setting.

Looking down as you talk makes it seem like you lack confidence or are self-conscious, causing your words to lose their effect. It’s especially important to keep your eyes level if you’re making complicated or important points.

Sustained eye contact, on the other hand, communicates confidence, leadership, strength, and intelligence. While it is possible to be engaged without direct, constant eye contact, complete negligence will clearly have negative effects on your professional relationships.

10. Eye contact that’s too intense may be perceived as aggressive, or an attempt to dominate. On average, Americans hold eye contact for seven to ten seconds, longer when we’re listening than when we’re talking. The way we break contact sends a message, too. Glancing down communicates submission, while looking to the side projects confidence.

11. Rolling your eyes is a fail-proof way to communicate lack of respect. Fortunately, while it may be a habit, it’s voluntary. You can control it, and it’s worth the effort.

12. Scowling or having a generally unhappy expression sends the message that you’re upset by those around you, even if they have nothing to do with your mood. Scowls turn people away, as they feel judged.

Smiling, however, suggests that you’re open, trustworthy, confident, and friendly. MRI studies have shown that the human brain responds favorably to a person who’s smiling, and this leaves a lasting positive impression.

13. Weak handshakes signal that you lack authority and confidence, while a handshake that is too strong could be perceived as an aggressive attempt at domination, which is just as bad. Adapt your handshake to each person and situation, but make sure it’s always firm.

14. Clenched fists, much like crossed arms and legs, can signal that you’re not open to other people’s points. It can also make you look argumentative and defensive, which will make people nervous about interacting with you.

15. Getting too close. If you stand too close to someone (nearer than one and a half feet), it signals that you have no respect for or understanding of personal space. This will make people very uncomfortable when they’re around you.

Bringing It All Together

Avoiding these body language blunders will help you form stronger relationships, both professionally and personally.

A version of this article first appeared on TalentSmart.com.

10 Behaviors of Genuinely Successful People

We live in a strange time. People can call themselves anything they want and get away with it. If you believe what they write about themselves, pretty much everyone’s a CEO, an entrepreneur, a leader, a startup founder, an award-winning keynote speaker, a best-selling author, or a self-made millionaire.   

That’s how it seems, anyway. In reality, the only people these phonies fool are fools. Granted, there must be a lot of fools out there, but you don’t have to be one of them.

Look, the world is full of successful people. As a veteran of the high-tech industry, I live and work in Silicon Valley. You can’t walk down University Avenue in Palo Alto without bumping into at least four or five CEOs and VCs – not the fake kind, but the real deal. Unfortunately, you’d never know it. They’re not that easy to recognize.

The question is, how can you tell the difference between truly accomplished executives and business leaders who have something to offer you and the “fake it ‘til you make it” shysters who spew all sorts of BS all over the blogosphere, social media, and self-help business books? Simple. By their behavior. This is how real successful people behave. 

They run real companies.

They have real careers. They run real companies with real products and customers. They have real experience managing businesses and leading organizations that you’ve probably heard of. If all their bio talks about are books, seminars, and speeches, they’re not the real deal.   

They love their work.

If you ask Tim Cook, Mark Zuckerberg, or Satya Nadella what they do for a living, all you’ll hear about is Apple, Facebook, and Microsoft. They’re passionate about their work and proud of their company’s products and achievements. Success may come with the territory, but it’s not what drives them.

They do things their own way.

The way they lead and the culture they build is never copied and pasted from somewhere else. Sure, they have mentors and sometimes stand on the shoulders of giants, but they still do things their own way, follow their own instincts, and have little patience for the status quo.  

They know what they don’t know.

The vast majority of accomplished people possess humility. The ones who don’t usually pay for their hubris, sooner or later. That’s not to say that CEOs don’t have strong egos, but when you’re smart and experienced, you simply know that you don’t have all the answers … and that anyone who acts like he does is full of it.

They have common sense.

If it sounds too good to be true, it is. If it sounds utopian, it isn’t real. If it sounds like wishful thinking, it’s nothing but fluff. If it’s a quick fix, a magic bullet, a miracle cure, or some personal habit, it’s just a foolish fad. Successful people are savvy. They think for themselves. They have common sense. And they can smell BS a mile away.

They’re never satisfied with their own accomplishments.

Great CEOs and VCs are usually perfectionists who are never satisfied with their own achievements. They always want to do better – to build the next product customers love or fund the next great startup. They know that business success is about growth; it’s a marathon without a finish line.     

They’re not super-visible.

Of course there are successful people who are highly visible – Mark Cuban and Donald Trump come to mind – but they’re rare. Most are not the slightest bit interested in being famous. If fame and fortune is what drives you, I’m afraid you’re going to be gravely disappointed with the outcome.

They’re not trying to sell you anything.

Real executives and business leaders may write a book or a blog, and after they retire they may give a speech or two, but in general, they made their living running and growing their companies and selling products, not getting you to break out your wallet to hear their pearls of wisdom.  

They don’t self-promote.

They don’t have to. Their careers, their accomplishments, the success of their companies speak for themselves. You’ll never hear them breath a word about how much money they have or make. They tend to be fairly modest. There are some flashy exceptions but they’re few and far between. 

They don’t preach.

They’re generally not inspirational or motivational – unless, of course, you’re one of their employees or customers. They don’t think they possess the key to success, happiness, productivity, or any of that nonsense. They may offer lessons learned from real world experience, but they don’t do shtick. If it sounds gimmicky, then it is.

Look at it this way. How well you do in life is based entirely on the work you do, the decisions you make, and the actions you take. When all is said and done, you want to look back and feel proud of what you’ve accomplished. You want to feel good about the life you led and the impact you had on others. And you want to know you lived your own life on your own terms.

Steve Tobak

10 Surprising Things Successful People Like

Lifestyle articles about the rich and famous inevitably feature opulent mansions, outlandish purchases, and daredevil antics. And while Oracle chairman Larry Ellison does race yachts, live in a $100 million home, and buy the occasional Hawaiian island, that’s not exactly the norm among executives and business leaders.

In my experience – and I’ve known hundreds of successful CEOs, VCs and founders – the vast majority get off on far more normal things, for lack of a better term.

Why is that important? Because we live in a culture that somehow manages to both admire and loathe successful business people when the truth is that they’re made of flesh and blood, just like you and me. Not to stereotype, but the ones I know enjoy doing things that just might surprise you.

Helping those who need and deserve it.

It’s popular to talk about causes these days but, in my experience, few actually walk the talk. Successful business people are generally quite generous with their time and money when it comes to those who are both in need and deserving – the latter being a key distinction.

Sleeping in their own beds.

The glamour of a high-powered executive jetting all over the world is a complete myth. It’s fun at first, but after a few million air miles, you get pretty sick and tired of all the redeye flights and waking up in hotel rooms with no idea what city or country you’re in. Glinda was right. There’s no place like home. 

Mundane hobbies.

Some build models or play musical instruments while others like to bake cupcakes or play poker. I love to garden and cut up huge trees for firewood. I also cook Asian cuisine and collect wine. Yes, I drink it, too. Go figure.  

Working their tails off.

This is about what successful people like to do, not what they like to do for fun. And what most of them like to do is work their butts off. They’re mostly workaholics who love their work.

Quiet time.

Limelight usually follows success. It just comes with the territory. But being in the public spotlight is not all it’s cracked up to be. When they’re not working, most of these people enjoy quiet time alone or with friends and family. It’s almost a necessity to decompress and keep things in perspective.

Control.

Not all CEOs are control freaks but it’s a common enough trait, especially among founders of tech companies. I’m similarly afflicted, I’m afraid. C’est la vie. 

Giving advice.

Most successful business leaders are surprisingly generous about sharing their knowledge and experience. Even after making gobs of money, they usually enjoy speaking, writing books or articles, or just giving a little advice to someone who needs it. They’re generally very approachable, willing to mentor, and not pretentious about it, either.

Winning.

Since competitive spirit is being bred out of our society by an educational system that promotes mediocrity instead of meritocracy, it bears mentioning that every successful executive or business leader I’ve ever known loves to win. They don’t spout off about it like Charlie Sheen, but it’s true, nevertheless.

Sweating.

It’s uncanny but an overwhelming majority of these people stay in shape in one way or another. They run, hike, do yoga, swim, cycle, ski, do ironman triathlons, lift weights, practice marshal arts, whatever works.  

Being good to their employees.

While the populist view of the one percent is that they’re ruthless, selfish, and greedy, that’s far more the exception than the rule. Nearly every corporate executive I’ve ever known has known that human capital is hands down their most critical asset.

It’s sort of bizarre the way our society alternately hoists CEOs up on pedestals like their gods or something and denigrates them as being privileged. I really don’t get it. If you met one on the street, you’d think he’s just a regular guy. That’s because he is just a regular guy. That’s the beauty of free market capitalism. 

Steve Tobak

4 Things About Managing People I Wish I Knew When I Started

I started my first company when I was 17. Between then and now (I’m 33 as of this column), I’ve launched four additional companies and have managed hundreds of people directly.

The way you lead and manage people is the make-or-break skill that will determine if you build a good business or an amazing one. It’s something you get better at with practice, but it’s also a skill (like anything) that can be learned and mastered if you’re determined enough.

If I could jump in a time machine and start again knowing what I know now, here’s what I’d tell my 17-year-old self about managing people:

1. Your age doesn’t matter.

When I was 23, I was managing people twice my age. I used to always think to myself “Why would a 45 year old listen to me?” I would get nervous interviewing candidates and a little jittery as we would do our one-on-one and planning meetings.

That wore off pretty quickly, though. As it turns out, age is only a barrier in your head. Being young is not a negative. Sure, you’re learning as you go, but as long as you pick things up quickly and either read books from great leaders or find a mentor, you’ll be more than fine.

When I think about great young managers at fast-growing companies, I think of Mark Zuckerberg at Facebook and Evan Spiegel at Snapchat. Both started in their early 20s and not only lead thousands of people today, but also many people double or even triple their age.

Before starting their companies they’d never managed anyone, let alone people much older than they are. They picked it all up as they went along and the results speak for themselves.

2. You can’t fake it.

Managing people doesn’t mean having a “work” persona and a “non-work” persona. I’m sure you know people who are completely different outside the office. You might see them at a function or dinner and think “Is that the same person?”

Management, or more accurately, leadership, is all about being your authentic self. That means not trying to be something you’re not. It means being comfortable with who you are and leaning on your strengths to manage effectively.

One of the best ways to build relationships with the people on your team is to actually mix your work and non-work personas. And to do that, you need to be your authentic self.

During your meetings, you need to talk about any work issues, but you can (and should) also sprinkle in topics such as what you did on the weekend, questions about employees' kids, last night’s game or your favorite new restaurant.

When your team does a great job, get them out of the office and do something together as a group that has nothing to do with work. Go bowling. Have a dinner party. Go on a picnic and bring your partners and kids. Get to know who they really are and show them who you are, too.

Definitely take cues from great managers you know, but approach things in your own unique way. There are too many average managers in the world who just punch the clock and take a pay check.

Being your authentic self helps you rise above the mediocrity. Your team will notice and the word will get around. Pretty soon the best people at your company will be asking to come and work for you.

3. You’ll screw up.

Being a manager is hard. You have to think on your feet, make decisions that affect people's lives and deal with all sorts of interesting and unique personalities.

Sometimes you have to trust your gut or make decisions with limited (or incorrect) information. It’s important to understand that not every decision you make will be correct.

When it turns out you’ve made a bad decision, you can either stick with it or admit you were wrong. Standing by a wrong decision is the quickest way to not only harm your team, but also to lose their trust in you a a leader.

There’s no shame in making a wrong decision if you made it with the best intentions and the best information you could find at the time. Just don’t beat yourself up over it and move quickly to get things back on track.

Most important, tell your team you were wrong and let them know why you’ve changed course. Humility and honesty are absolutely everything when it comes to being an exceptional manager.

4. It’s worth your time.

I had to learn everything I mentioned the hard way. I thought I couldn’t manage people who were older than me. I tried to be a “real” manager. And I stuck by too many bad decisions, just because I didn’t want people to think I’d made a mistake.

Luckily, that’s all behind me now. If you keep an open mind, find amazing mentors (either in books or in real life) and have a genuine interest in your team and helping them succeed, you’ll become a great manager.

Being a great manager unlocks huge career opportunities that you can’t even imagine, quite simply because most managers just aren’t that good. Whether you’re 17 or 70, learning to be a great manager is worth your time.

Who knows, you might even have what it takes to be the next Zuckerberg or Spiegel.

Mitchell Harper

11 Ways Innovative People Think Differently Than Everyone Else

   

I’m going to start out by pointing out something most individuals seem to fail to understand.

Innovation and creativity are not synonymous. Creativity is definitely a factor, but innovation is a much longer string.

Being innovative isn’t an accident. You can’t just happen to be innovative — it’s a process.

There are steps and crucial information that must be collected. Being innovative is one of the most difficult things to accomplish.

Innovation is only innovation if it’s useful. Otherwise, it’s just being creative or being unnecessary.

Innovation is what drives progress, what drives the human race one step closer to the impossibility of perfection.

In order to be innovative, you have to think differently. Here are 11 ways innovative people think differently from the rest:

1. They take the time to understand the industry.

You can’t innovate unless you understand what already exists. Even if you think you understand the playing field, the fact is that you don’t.

Industries aren’t stagnant — unless they’re dying. And even then, there is so much information one can learn about any particular industry. Knowing everything is basically impossible.

And if the industry is still growing, it isn’t even possible to keep up with all the progress.

Nevertheless, the most innovative people understand unless they know the industry well enough, they will never understand what it’s lacking.

If you don’t know what an industry is lacking, then you can’t possibly understand what innovations are needed.

---

2. They take the time to understand their target market/user base.

No matter what innovation you’re in the process of creating, it will involve people, living things.

You need to understand what it is your users need before you can give it to them.

That’s all that innovation really is: giving people what they need in a better, more efficient and more pleasing way.

---

3. They’re problem solvers.

There are plenty of trending businesses that do very well in the beginning, but then die out as soon as the trend shifts.

This is why the tech bubble will inevitably pop — too many “cool” startups are creating products and services that have “fun” as their single utility.

The problem with “fun” is it requires constant novelty and risks becoming boring. Innovation is a necessary part of progress and, therefore, goes beyond “fun.”

To innovate is to create to fill a necessity gap. If you aren’t solving problems, you’re only creating them.

---

4. They focus on quality.

You can innovate by creating a poor-quality product or service, but your business is going to eventually get beaten out by competitors; it happens all the time.

If you’re innovating and creating a crappy product and someone comes out with the same solution but better, what do you think is going to happen?

Even if you did come up with the idea, no one will remember because you won’t be around to tell the story.

---

5. They understand the importance of design.

Apple is Apple because of the integration of design and utility.

Design alone won’t get you anywhere, but without a physical, visual appeal, you won’t get anywhere either.

If whatever you’re selling doesn’t look great and isn’t easy to use, it’s lacking. And if it’s lacking, it leaves room for improvement — improvement someone else is likely to act on.

---

6. They know the “rules” but know better than to play by them.

You can’t innovate if you keep doing the same things everyone else does, the same way everyone else does them.

Rules of any industry are simply guidelines, starting points to build off or to tweak and change.

If you do things the way they have always been done, then you’re going to reach results that are too similar to those who have already been created.

---

7. Unlike most, they manage to thrive in the midst of uncertainty.

The difficulty with innovating is the uncertainty that always accompanies it.

Innovation and uncertainty necessarily go hand in hand — how could you possibly be certain something is going to work if no one has ever done it before?

If it really is an innovation, whether or not it will take is a complete mystery.

---

8. They see efficiency as key.

Innovation has always depended on making something better, meaning faster, easier, less costly, more useful.

Efficiency is the driving force behind innovation. Human beings love efficiency because it’s literally ingrained in our biology.

We have egos that are both incredibly lazy and only want the very best.

---

9. They get creative.

Finally, when you understand what you’re working with, what people need, what they want, what you’re going to have to deal with and how you’re going to overcome all the hurdles that are likely ahead of you, it’s time to get creative.

No idea is too silly until it’s too silly. Jotting, taking notes, doodling, bouncing ideas off of others — all part of the process.

---

10. They believe in themselves to get the job done right.

Innovative individuals are only capable of being innovative because they believe they are capable of being innovative.

If you don’t believe you can accomplish something, then you’ll never break past the necessary threshold.

Innovation is difficult. It used to be easier, but even innovation has its limits — everything does.

It only makes sense that, as innovation solves problems, people will inevitably have less problems to solve.

If you don’t have the confidence and faith in yourself to push through all the muck, you’re going to end up giving up before you even get started. In fact, that’s what usually happens.

---

11. They believe in the vision.

Believing in yourself is one thing. And not always an easy thing.

What makes it easier, however, is having a vision you believe in. If you believe in the product, the service, the company/team, then sometimes that’s enough.

Just bear in mind not everyone will believe in your vision. In fact, most probably won’t.

People like to poke at and make fun of others as a means of making themselves feel better for never accomplishing anything in their own lives.

Nevertheless, being the only one who believes something will work while most people disagree makes focusing on the end goal more difficult.

For this reason, you must be absolutely convinced what you’re working on is necessary.

Otherwise, all those schmucks may convince you you’re wrong.

Paul Hudson

5 Kinds of People Who Will Help You Succeed as an Entrepreneur

Entrepreneurship is, in many ways, about achieving independence. You won’t have a boss anymore. You won’t have a network of supervisors and coworkers to set your schedule or monitor your success. Instead, you’ll become a master of your own destiny, and you’ll become accountable only to yourself for your ongoing actions.

That independence can also be a curse, however. The fact of the matter is that even though entrepreneurship is an independent act, the most successful entrepreneurs in the world only got to where they are because of the help they received from the people around them. You’ll be making your own decisions and carving your own path, but if you want to be as effective and as impactful as possible, you’ll have to rely on a few types of people to help get you there.

1. Mentors you admire

Mentors are indispensable resources for entrepreneurs, especially if you’re starting a business for the first time. Most business entrepreneurs have owned multiple businesses in the past, and have made more mistakes and learned more lessons than you can imagine. They’ll help you by providing advice, perspective and guidance whenever you need it -- often for nothing. They also typically have an extended network of resources and contacts you can take advantage of when building up the infrastructure of your business.

Be sure to find a mentor you admire and trust. If you do, he or she can guide you down the right path for years. If you struggle with finding a mentor for your business, look on social media for older entrepreneurs in your industry and in your area. You can also start attending local networking events and talking with everyone you come across -- you never know who you might meet.

2. Partners you respect 

Whether you’re forming a partnership to run the business together or you’re simply finding other businesses to join forces with, finding partners you respect is critical to increasing your chances for entrepreneurial success. With a foundation of mutual respect, business partnerships are less likely to succumb to the usual weaknesses such as bickering, manipulation or general selfishness.

Finding great partners isn’t easy, but it is important if you want to maximize your potential, so don’t rush to find one, take your time and wait for a perfect fit.

3. Employees you can trust 

A business can’t succeed with leadership alone. You’ll need to have a dedicated, reliable network of employees to help you execute the day-to-day operational responsibilities of your venture. They’re going to serve as a vehicle for your directives, so you need to trust that they can accomplish the tasks you set out or at least communicate when they find themselves unable.

To help create an environment that naturally attracts the trustworthy type of employees you need, establish clear guidelines for your company culture, and be especially critical during the interview process. Look for candidates with great personalities and genuine sincerity over candidates with a long history of accomplishment or those with an exceptional educational background.

4. Friends you make time for

Your friends will help you through your entrepreneurial journey more than you realize, but only if you allow them to. Once you get in the thick of things as an entrepreneur, it’s too easy to sacrifice your personal relationships -- working long hours and on weekends is a necessary evil at times, but it’s also important to draw a line and take some time for yourself.

By maintaining a healthier work-life balance, you’ll enjoy your time as an entrepreneur much more, and you’ll make better decisions if you’re well rested. Your friends will help ground you and make sure you don’t burn yourself out.

5. A family that supports you 

Finally, never neglect the power and importance of your family. They were there for you before you started the business, they’re there for you now, and they’ll be there for you regardless of whether your company becomes a breakout success or a total failure.

Don’t be afraid to share your problems, fears, worries and challenges. Holding these issues in can make you even more stressed and could alienate you from your family even further. Take regular time off to be with your family, and keep them an active part of your entrepreneurial journey.

With these people by your side, helping you make the right decisions and standing by you when things don’t pan out, you’ll be far more likely to succeed as an entrepreneur. Surround yourself with people you trust, love and respect, and even if you fail, you’ll be able to enjoy the journey. 

Jayson Demers

12 Things Truly Confident People Do Differently

Confidence takes many forms, from the arrogance of Floyd Mayweather to the quiet self-assurance of Jane Goodall. True confidence—as opposed to the false confidence people project to mask their insecurities—has a look all its own.

When it comes to confidence, one thing is certain: truly confident people always have the upper hand over the doubtful and the skittish because they inspire others and they make things happen.

“Whether you think you can, or you think you can’t—you’re right."
--Henry Ford

Ford’s notion that your mentality has a powerful effect on your ability to succeed is manifest in the results of a recent study at the University of Melbourne that showed that confident people went on to earn higher wages and get promoted more quickly than anyone else.

Learning to be confident is clearly important, but what is it that truly confident people do that sets them apart from everyone else?

I did some digging to uncover the 12 cardinal habits of truly confident people so that you can incorporate these behaviors into your repertoire.

1. They Get Their Happiness from Within

Happiness is a critical element of confidence, because in order to be confident in what you do, you have to be happy with who you are.

People who brim with confidence derive their sense of pleasure and satisfaction from their own accomplishments, as opposed to what other people think of their accomplishments. They know that no matter what anyone says, you’re never as good or as bad as people say you are.

2. They Don’t Pass Judgment

Confident people don’t pass judgment on others because they know that everyone has something to offer, and they don’t need to take other people down a notch in order to feel good about themselves. Comparing yourself to other people is limiting. Confident people don’t waste time sizing people up and worrying about whether or not they measure up to everyone they meet.

3. They Don’t Say Yes Unless They Really Want To

Research conducted at the University of California in San Francisco shows that the more difficulty that you have saying no, the more likely you are to experience stress, burnout, and even depression. Confident people know that saying no is healthy, and they have the self-esteem to make their nos clear. When it’s time to say no, confident people avoid phrases such as “I don’t think I can” or “I’m not certain.” They say no with confidence because they know that saying no to a new commitment honors their existing commitments and gives them the opportunity to successfully fulfill them.

4. They Listen More than They Speak

People with confidence listen more than they speak because they don’t feel as though they have anything to prove. Confident people know that by actively listening and paying attention to others, they are much more likely to learn and grow. Instead of seeing interactions as opportunities to prove themselves to others, they focus on the interaction itself, because they know that this is a far more enjoyable and productive approach to people.

5. They Speak with Certainty

It’s rare to hear the truly confident utter phrases such as “Um,” “I’m not sure,” and “I think.” Confident people speak assertively because they know that it’s difficult to get people to listen to you if you can’t deliver your ideas with conviction.

6. They Seek Out Small Victories

Confident people like to challenge themselves and compete, even when their efforts yield small victories. Small victories build new androgen receptors in the areas of the brain responsible for reward and motivation. The increase in androgen receptors increases the influence of testosterone, which further increases their confidence and eagerness to tackle future challenges. When you have a series of small victories, the boost in your confidence can last for months.

7. They Exercise

A study conducted at the Eastern Ontario Research Institute found that people who exercised twice a week for 10 weeks felt more competent socially, academically, and athletically. They also rated their body image and self-esteem higher. Best of all, rather than the physical changes in their bodies being responsible for the uptick in confidence, it was the immediate, endorphin-fueled positivity from exercise that made all the difference.

8. They Don’t Seek Attention

People are turned off by those who are desperate for attention. Confident people know that being yourself is much more effective than trying to prove that you’re important. People catch on to your attitude quickly and are more attracted to the right attitude than what, or how many, people you know. Confident people always seem to bring the right attitude.

Confident people are masters of attention diffusion. When they’re receiving attention for an accomplishment, they quickly shift the focus to all the people who worked hard to help get them there. They don’t crave approval or praise because they draw their self-worth from within.

9. They Aren’t Afraid to Be Wrong

Confident people aren’t afraid to be proven wrong. They like putting their opinions out there to see if they hold up because they learn a lot from the times they are wrong and other people learn from them when they’re right. Self-assured people know what they are capable of and don’t treat being wrong as a personal slight.

10. They Stick Their Necks Out

When confident people see an opportunity, they take it. Instead of worrying about what could go wrong, they ask themselves, “What’s stopping me? Why can’t I do that?” and they go for it. Fear doesn’t hold them back because they know that if they never try, they will never succeed.

11. They Celebrate Other People

Insecure people constantly doubt their relevance, and because of this, they try to steal the spotlight and criticize others in order to prove their worth. Confident people, on the other hand, aren’t worried about their relevance because they draw their self-worth from within. Instead of insecurely focusing inward, confident people focus outward, which allows them to see all the wonderful things that other people bring to the table. Praising people for their contributions is a natural result of this.

12. They Aren’t Afraid to Ask for Help

Confident people know that asking other people for help won’t make them seem weak or unintelligent. They know their strengths and weaknesses, and they look to others to fill the gaps. They also know that learning from someone with more expertise is a great way to improve.

Travis Bradberry