The 3 Qualities of Likable People

Business leaders and entrepreneurs with superb people skills have a competitive edge over others. These skills often take more time to learn than technical abilities, but the results are well worth the investment.

Everyone wants to work with people they enjoy being around. If you’re extremely likable, you’ll be able to attract new clients and retain long-standing relationships with minimal effort.

Clients evaluate who they want to hire and continue to work with based on what I call the BLT factor: believability, likability, and trustworthiness. They ask themselves, “Does Pamela know what she’s doing and is she enjoyable to work with?” If you’re disliked, it may not matter how competent you are, people simply won’t want to work with you. 

Likability is the culmination of three traits: empathy, reliability and integrity. Here’s why each characteristic is important and what you can do to cultivate it.

Common experience connects people through an instant bond and a shared level of trust. For example, I can easily empathize with others who have lost a job, started a business, had cancer, struggled with finances, or written a book because I too, have experienced those circumstances.

Empathy. Empathy is your ability to relate to and understand someone else’s situation and perspective. Strong, enduring relationships are almost always built on empathy. It’s a life skill that requires self-awareness, practice and experience. The ups and downs of your personal and professional life will influence how you empathasize, and with whom.

Related: Why 'No' is the Most Important Word You'll Ever Say

Just be aware, empathy does not mean you have to agree with others’ opinions or try to please everybody. Instead, consider the feelings of your employees, partners and colleagues when you make decisions. To cultivate this skill, react less, listen more and try to put yourself in the other person’s position.

Next time a client or employee is struggling, take a few moments to listen and, if you can relate, share a personal story.

Reliability. Customers reasonably expect businesses to be reliable, responsible and dependable. When someone needs help, he calls whomever he knows he can count on. It’s more than delivering a service; it’s doing your job well while keeping the project on time and on budget. 

Some of the most successful companies in the world have a reputation for consistency. If you catch a flight from New York to San Francisco and stop by a Starbucks on the way to the airport, you know that coffee will taste the same as the coffee you plan to buy once you land. It doesn’t matter where you are; every Starbucks delivers the same quality coffee, every time.

Related: Break the Ice: 8 Networking Tips for Introverts

When I was in Shanghai last October, I craved something sweet. I spotted a Häagen-Dazs ice cream parlor and went inside for dessert. Even though I was on the other side of the planet, this ice cream made me feel like I was back home.

Customers are attracted to the sense of security that comes from being able to count on someone or something. Certainty provides peace of mind and most people are willing to pay more for reliable service.

Cultivate your reputation for reliability. Whenever you or your employees make a promise, deliver. If you can’t fulfill part of your responsibilities, let the client know as soon as possible. An unavoidable hiccup is forgivable; blatant misjudgment or deception is not. 

Integrity. Lack of integrity has permeated our culture. It can be seen in politics, sports, business and entertainment. Integrity is the highest level of professionalism and behavior. It’s doing what you know is right, even if no one is looking; it’s standing up for what you believe in and having the courage to speak up, even if your opinion is unpopular.

Related: Why You Should Learn to Nap Like a Pro

Investor Warren Buffett said, “In looking for people to hire, you look for three qualities: integrity, intelligence and energy. And if they don’t have the first, the other two will kill you.” Many people are smart and capable, but very few take the time to cultivate integrity. Those who do make a personal investment of time, energy and self-enhancement are paid back in big dividends.

Whether professional or personal, relationships demand integrity and honesty. On some days, it may be difficult to always behave at your highest level, but it’s well worth the effort. Consistently apply your best judgment with your staff, colleagues, friends and family.

BY JACQUELINE WHITMORE

How Speakers Can Use Body Language To Increase Their Success With Audiences - 4

For public speakers the body language news is both good and bad.

The good news is that you are already an unconscious expert, for the most part, in reading some of the body language cues and the concomitant underlying emotions of people familiar to you. For example, arriving home, you can tell in an instant if your significant other is in a bad mood, right? Or at work, you know instinctively if your boss is in a really good mood for some reason or another. Or you can tell when a colleague is stressed out and unlikely to help you with something.

Unfortunately, an audience is only somewhat familiar to you in that sense.  That is, you’ve done your research, you know who they are, but you don’t know them deeply like you do a loved one or a work colleague.  (Unless of course you’re talking to your work colleagues.)

So what can you use to decode an audience’s intent?

Your unconscious mind.

Let’s go over a few general principles. For all body language reading, you want to first establish a baseline reading and then note differences. In other words, first check out the audience’s general orientation toward you and then notice whenever there’s a significant change. That can indicate a change of heart, mood, decision, or simply a desire to take a quick break. Think in terms of baseline and change. Keep it simple.

In this regard, remember to always consider the context. A person who suddenly closes down, for example, may not be indicating hostility, but rather thinks it’s time to go. We often signal the end of our attention spans with a change in body language that involves retreating, closing off, or disconnecting. That’s not necessarily hostile; it just means it’s time to go.

Overall, when we move closer to someone else, we’re showing friendliness, trust, or connection. When we increase the distance, we show the opposite. Hand gestures tell a similar story. When people reach toward us with open gestures, they’re usually signaling openness. Only rarely is it something else, like a left hook to the jaw. Reaching can indicate aggression, control, or an attempt to dominate. An embrace, the ultimate open gesture, after all, is a combination of open hand gestures and open torso, where we reduce the space between ourselves and someone else to zero.

Hands speak a constant language; learn to watch them for what they’ll tell you. Are they placed placidly in the lap? Are they nervously kneading one another? Are the hands twitching constantly, or attempting to conceal themselves in pockets or behind the back? Hands are marvelous little weather vanes signaling the state of the soul within. You get regular updates from other people’s hands about the state of their nerves, defensiveness, confidence, anger, happiness, sorrow, interest or boredom, in addition to their openness or lack thereof. A recent study found that hands are a more reliable indicator of poker players’ cards than their faces, which of course are proverbially poker-faced.

Finally, start to watch people’s legs and feet. Most of the adults you’ll meet are reasonably good at assuming bland expressions on their faces, but their legs and feet will likely tell a more revealing story. Look for overall orientation. Are those legs near you, pointed toward you, or not? Are those feet close to yours or pointing toward the door? Look for signs of discomfort or nervous energy, such as bouncing or fidgeting. That’s a more reliable giveaway than that carefully neutral face.

Finally, the face does reveal some clues if you look closely.  Eyes wide open indicate interest; narrowed eyes the opposite (or nearsightedness or bright lights.  Nodding in response to you signals agreement, or at least a friendly, encouraging person.  Smiling is even better – a real smile, which reaches the eyes.  And raised eyebrows indicate openness to what you’re saying.

But don’t put too much stress on any one of these gestures.  Look for groups of gestures and overall indications of mood.

Once you’ve got the hang of these groups of gestures and the general story they’re telling, then you’re ready to pose the two big questions to yourself and to your unconscious.

Ask yourself, are these people looking to me for authority?  And, are these people aligned with me? 

Ask them one at a time.  Wait for the answer.  Your unconscious mind has already picked up the necessary clues; you simply have to field them.  It’s a matter of listening to what your mind is telling you – that still small voice of Biblical fame.

This is much easier to do when you’re not in front of an audience, full of adrenaline, and trying to strut your stuff.  So practice it until it seems easy in the comfort of a meeting room and some familiar people.  The more you practice it, the stronger will be the answers coming from your unconscious mind – aka your gut – and the more clearly you will hear them.

Then, when you’re well-versed in the technique, and you’ve attuned yourself to the messages that your unconscious mind is sending you, you’re ready to try asking these questions in front of an audience.

And once you’ve got the hang of those two questions, you’ll find yourself able to ask new questions on the spot and get answers to them.  Once you start talking to your unconscious mind, you’ll be astonished at what it has to tell you.

This blog series is adapted from my new book, Power Cues:  The Subtle Science of Leading Groups, Persuading Others, and Maximizing Your Personal Impact, published May 13, 2014 by Harvard. You can order it here.  

5 Habits Of Emotionally Intelligent People

Emotional intelligence is the most powerful tool for success — not only in in romantic relationships, but business, too. In fact, the same rules for achieving your goals in business also apply to love.

Here are five practices that people with high EQs use to achieve success at both work and in their personal lives:

1. Follow actions, not words. 

When I hire someone, I don’t pay much attention to lip service about accountability or hard work. Instead, I screen for a solid track record — do they meet deadlines? Make calls? Close deals? What are they doing (not saying)?

In business and personal matters, talk is cheap.

2. Check yourself. 

We’re all emotional people, and sometimes little things can turn into unnecessarily big deals. emotionally intelligent people know how to push pause before making a perceived slight into a colossal deal. Did someone interrupt you in a meeting? Instead of stewing about it or plotting revenge, consider that the person is possibly distracted by personal issues at home. Maybe they felt scrutinized by their boss that day and was over-compensating with their boisterous presentation. Rise above it and give them the benefit of the doubt. It’s not always about you.  

The same rules apply to your romantic and business relationships. Everyone has bad days and everyone has their quirks. Just because your date doesn’t feel like dancing doesn’t mean she is embarrassed to be seen with you, or that you should never go out with her again. Take the incident for what it is and move on.

3. Keep the end goal in mind. 

Those who succeed in life and business keep an eye on the big picture. This means letting go of petty perceived slights and road bumps that present themselves each and every day. When you keep the end goal at the top of your mind, it is easier to negotiate with a difficult client, create successful, win-win partnerships, and focus your energy on what is most important — not getting sidetracked by petty annoyances and putting out little fires.

That goes for relationships, too. If a long-term committed partnership with your spouse is your top priority, then you are less likely to focus on the proverbial toothpaste cap conundrums that trip up so many couples. Even bigger issues such as differences in money management or raising kids are more easily negotiated when you are both focused on lifelong collaboration.

4. Cleanse out the toxins. 

Good business feeds off good energy — and negative people can destroy an organization. Entrepreneurs with high EQs know there are enough positive people in the world that there is no need to waste valuable energy managing the toxic ones. Sometimes even high performers are not a good fit if they are manipulative, combative or otherwise a negative force in the office.  

Ditto for your love life and business relationships. If someone zaps your energy or otherwise makes you feel bad about yourself, have the strength to move on. Emotionally intelligent people have little tolerance for others who are insincere (or downright lie), critical, needy or have addictive habits. There are some people who are better out of your life — or on the other side of the courtroom.

5. Stay connected. 

Just because a relationship ends doesn’t mean that you have to obliterate the bridge. Even if a deal falls apart on a sour note, emotionally intelligent people make all efforts to take the high road and keep the connection alive and positive. You never know when you may cross paths again — or need that person in the future.

Just because a relationship doesn’t last a lifetime doesn’t mean that you must part ways as enemies. More often than not relationships end because of differences or circumstances — not personal slights. When a bridge is still available, there is far more opportunity for you to enjoy richer experiences on nearly every level.

ERIC SCHIFFER, ENTREPRENEUR

Read more: http://www.entrepreneur.com/article/233040#ixzz31Av49u4h

19 Things The Millionaire Next Door Won't Tell You

Although having a million bucks isn’t as impressive as it once was, it’s still nothing to sneeze at.

In fact, Reuters reports that in 2009 there are 7.8 million millionaires in the United States. That’s a lot of people and the odds are one or two of them are living near you.

Heck, one of them might even be your neighbor. In fact, the odds are very good that it is your neighbor.

But, Len, you don’t know my neighbor.  That guy doesn’t look anything like a millionaire.

Well, guess what? A millionaire who is truly financially savvy won't be easily recognizable. 

1. He always spends less than he earns.  In fact his mantra is, over the long run, you’re better off if you strive to be anonymously rich rather than deceptively poor.

2. He knows that patience is a virtue. The odds are you won’t become a millionaire overnight.  If you’re like him, your wealth will be accumulated gradually by diligently saving your money over multiple decades.

3.  When you go to his modest three-bed two-bath house, you’re going to be drinking Folgers instead of Starbucks.  And if you need a lift, well, you’re going to get a ride in his ten-year-old economy sedan.  And if you think that makes him cheap, ask him if he cares.  (He doesn’t.)

4. He pays off his credit cards in full every month.  He’s smart enough to understand that if he can’t afford to pay cash for something, then he can’t afford it.

5. He realized early on that money does not buy happiness.  If you’re looking for nirvana, you need to focus on attaining financial freedom.

6. He never forgets that financial freedom is a state of mind that comes from being debt free.  Best of all, it can be attained regardless of your income level.

7. He knows that getting a second job not only increases the size of your bank account quicker but it also keeps you busy – and being busy makes it difficult to spend what you already have.

8. He understands that money is like a toddler; it is incapable of managing itself.  After all, you can’t expect your money to grow and mature as it should without some form of credible money management.

9. He’s a big believer in paying yourself first. Paying yourself first is an essential tenet of personal finance and a great way to build your savings and instill financial discipline.

10. Although it’s possible to get rich if you spend your life making a living doing something you don’t enjoy, he wonders why you do.  Life is too short.

11.  He knows that failing to plan is the same as planning to fail.  He also knows that the few millionaires that reached that milestone without a plan got there only because of dumb luck.   It’s not enough to simply declare that you want to be financially free.

12. When it came time to set his savings goals, he wasn’t afraid to think big.  Financial success demands that you have a vision that is significantly larger than you can currently deliver upon.

13. Over time, he found out that hard work can often help make up for a lot of financial mistakes – and you will make financial mistakes.

14. He realizes that stuff happens, that’s why you’re a fool if you don’t insure yourself against risk. Remember that the potential for bankruptcy is always just around the corner and can be triggered from multiple sources: the death of the family’s key bread winner, divorce, or disability that leads to a loss of work.

15. He understands that time is an ally of the young.  He was fortunate enough to begin saving in his twenties so he could take maximum advantage of the power of compounding interest on his nest egg.

16. He knows that you can’t spend what you don’t see.  You should use automatic paycheck deductions to build up your retirement and other savings accounts.  As your salary increases you can painlessly increase the size of those deductions.

17. Even though he has a job that he loves, he doesn’t have to work anymore because everything he owns is paid for – and has been for years.

18. He’s not impressed that you drive an over-priced luxury car and live in a McMansion that’s two sizes too big for your family of four.

19. After six months of asking, he finally quit waiting for you to return his pruning shears.  He broke down and bought himself a new pair last month.  There’s no hard feelings though; he can afford it.

So that’s it.  Now you know what your millionaire neighbor won’t tell you.

Read more: http://www.businessinsider.com/how-to-act-like-a-millionaire-2013-8#ixzz312PLnPeT