The 3 Qualities of Likable People

Business leaders and entrepreneurs with superb people skills have a competitive edge over others. These skills often take more time to learn than technical abilities, but the results are well worth the investment.

Everyone wants to work with people they enjoy being around. If you’re extremely likable, you’ll be able to attract new clients and retain long-standing relationships with minimal effort.

Clients evaluate who they want to hire and continue to work with based on what I call the BLT factor: believability, likability, and trustworthiness. They ask themselves, “Does Pamela know what she’s doing and is she enjoyable to work with?” If you’re disliked, it may not matter how competent you are, people simply won’t want to work with you. 

Likability is the culmination of three traits: empathy, reliability and integrity. Here’s why each characteristic is important and what you can do to cultivate it.

Common experience connects people through an instant bond and a shared level of trust. For example, I can easily empathize with others who have lost a job, started a business, had cancer, struggled with finances, or written a book because I too, have experienced those circumstances.

Empathy. Empathy is your ability to relate to and understand someone else’s situation and perspective. Strong, enduring relationships are almost always built on empathy. It’s a life skill that requires self-awareness, practice and experience. The ups and downs of your personal and professional life will influence how you empathasize, and with whom.

Related: Why 'No' is the Most Important Word You'll Ever Say

Just be aware, empathy does not mean you have to agree with others’ opinions or try to please everybody. Instead, consider the feelings of your employees, partners and colleagues when you make decisions. To cultivate this skill, react less, listen more and try to put yourself in the other person’s position.

Next time a client or employee is struggling, take a few moments to listen and, if you can relate, share a personal story.

Reliability. Customers reasonably expect businesses to be reliable, responsible and dependable. When someone needs help, he calls whomever he knows he can count on. It’s more than delivering a service; it’s doing your job well while keeping the project on time and on budget. 

Some of the most successful companies in the world have a reputation for consistency. If you catch a flight from New York to San Francisco and stop by a Starbucks on the way to the airport, you know that coffee will taste the same as the coffee you plan to buy once you land. It doesn’t matter where you are; every Starbucks delivers the same quality coffee, every time.

Related: Break the Ice: 8 Networking Tips for Introverts

When I was in Shanghai last October, I craved something sweet. I spotted a Häagen-Dazs ice cream parlor and went inside for dessert. Even though I was on the other side of the planet, this ice cream made me feel like I was back home.

Customers are attracted to the sense of security that comes from being able to count on someone or something. Certainty provides peace of mind and most people are willing to pay more for reliable service.

Cultivate your reputation for reliability. Whenever you or your employees make a promise, deliver. If you can’t fulfill part of your responsibilities, let the client know as soon as possible. An unavoidable hiccup is forgivable; blatant misjudgment or deception is not. 

Integrity. Lack of integrity has permeated our culture. It can be seen in politics, sports, business and entertainment. Integrity is the highest level of professionalism and behavior. It’s doing what you know is right, even if no one is looking; it’s standing up for what you believe in and having the courage to speak up, even if your opinion is unpopular.

Related: Why You Should Learn to Nap Like a Pro

Investor Warren Buffett said, “In looking for people to hire, you look for three qualities: integrity, intelligence and energy. And if they don’t have the first, the other two will kill you.” Many people are smart and capable, but very few take the time to cultivate integrity. Those who do make a personal investment of time, energy and self-enhancement are paid back in big dividends.

Whether professional or personal, relationships demand integrity and honesty. On some days, it may be difficult to always behave at your highest level, but it’s well worth the effort. Consistently apply your best judgment with your staff, colleagues, friends and family.

BY JACQUELINE WHITMORE

How Speakers Can Use Body Language To Increase Their Success With Audiences - 4

For public speakers the body language news is both good and bad.

The good news is that you are already an unconscious expert, for the most part, in reading some of the body language cues and the concomitant underlying emotions of people familiar to you. For example, arriving home, you can tell in an instant if your significant other is in a bad mood, right? Or at work, you know instinctively if your boss is in a really good mood for some reason or another. Or you can tell when a colleague is stressed out and unlikely to help you with something.

Unfortunately, an audience is only somewhat familiar to you in that sense.  That is, you’ve done your research, you know who they are, but you don’t know them deeply like you do a loved one or a work colleague.  (Unless of course you’re talking to your work colleagues.)

So what can you use to decode an audience’s intent?

Your unconscious mind.

Let’s go over a few general principles. For all body language reading, you want to first establish a baseline reading and then note differences. In other words, first check out the audience’s general orientation toward you and then notice whenever there’s a significant change. That can indicate a change of heart, mood, decision, or simply a desire to take a quick break. Think in terms of baseline and change. Keep it simple.

In this regard, remember to always consider the context. A person who suddenly closes down, for example, may not be indicating hostility, but rather thinks it’s time to go. We often signal the end of our attention spans with a change in body language that involves retreating, closing off, or disconnecting. That’s not necessarily hostile; it just means it’s time to go.

Overall, when we move closer to someone else, we’re showing friendliness, trust, or connection. When we increase the distance, we show the opposite. Hand gestures tell a similar story. When people reach toward us with open gestures, they’re usually signaling openness. Only rarely is it something else, like a left hook to the jaw. Reaching can indicate aggression, control, or an attempt to dominate. An embrace, the ultimate open gesture, after all, is a combination of open hand gestures and open torso, where we reduce the space between ourselves and someone else to zero.

Hands speak a constant language; learn to watch them for what they’ll tell you. Are they placed placidly in the lap? Are they nervously kneading one another? Are the hands twitching constantly, or attempting to conceal themselves in pockets or behind the back? Hands are marvelous little weather vanes signaling the state of the soul within. You get regular updates from other people’s hands about the state of their nerves, defensiveness, confidence, anger, happiness, sorrow, interest or boredom, in addition to their openness or lack thereof. A recent study found that hands are a more reliable indicator of poker players’ cards than their faces, which of course are proverbially poker-faced.

Finally, start to watch people’s legs and feet. Most of the adults you’ll meet are reasonably good at assuming bland expressions on their faces, but their legs and feet will likely tell a more revealing story. Look for overall orientation. Are those legs near you, pointed toward you, or not? Are those feet close to yours or pointing toward the door? Look for signs of discomfort or nervous energy, such as bouncing or fidgeting. That’s a more reliable giveaway than that carefully neutral face.

Finally, the face does reveal some clues if you look closely.  Eyes wide open indicate interest; narrowed eyes the opposite (or nearsightedness or bright lights.  Nodding in response to you signals agreement, or at least a friendly, encouraging person.  Smiling is even better – a real smile, which reaches the eyes.  And raised eyebrows indicate openness to what you’re saying.

But don’t put too much stress on any one of these gestures.  Look for groups of gestures and overall indications of mood.

Once you’ve got the hang of these groups of gestures and the general story they’re telling, then you’re ready to pose the two big questions to yourself and to your unconscious.

Ask yourself, are these people looking to me for authority?  And, are these people aligned with me? 

Ask them one at a time.  Wait for the answer.  Your unconscious mind has already picked up the necessary clues; you simply have to field them.  It’s a matter of listening to what your mind is telling you – that still small voice of Biblical fame.

This is much easier to do when you’re not in front of an audience, full of adrenaline, and trying to strut your stuff.  So practice it until it seems easy in the comfort of a meeting room and some familiar people.  The more you practice it, the stronger will be the answers coming from your unconscious mind – aka your gut – and the more clearly you will hear them.

Then, when you’re well-versed in the technique, and you’ve attuned yourself to the messages that your unconscious mind is sending you, you’re ready to try asking these questions in front of an audience.

And once you’ve got the hang of those two questions, you’ll find yourself able to ask new questions on the spot and get answers to them.  Once you start talking to your unconscious mind, you’ll be astonished at what it has to tell you.

This blog series is adapted from my new book, Power Cues:  The Subtle Science of Leading Groups, Persuading Others, and Maximizing Your Personal Impact, published May 13, 2014 by Harvard. You can order it here.  

5 Habits Of Emotionally Intelligent People

Emotional intelligence is the most powerful tool for success — not only in in romantic relationships, but business, too. In fact, the same rules for achieving your goals in business also apply to love.

Here are five practices that people with high EQs use to achieve success at both work and in their personal lives:

1. Follow actions, not words. 

When I hire someone, I don’t pay much attention to lip service about accountability or hard work. Instead, I screen for a solid track record — do they meet deadlines? Make calls? Close deals? What are they doing (not saying)?

In business and personal matters, talk is cheap.

2. Check yourself. 

We’re all emotional people, and sometimes little things can turn into unnecessarily big deals. emotionally intelligent people know how to push pause before making a perceived slight into a colossal deal. Did someone interrupt you in a meeting? Instead of stewing about it or plotting revenge, consider that the person is possibly distracted by personal issues at home. Maybe they felt scrutinized by their boss that day and was over-compensating with their boisterous presentation. Rise above it and give them the benefit of the doubt. It’s not always about you.  

The same rules apply to your romantic and business relationships. Everyone has bad days and everyone has their quirks. Just because your date doesn’t feel like dancing doesn’t mean she is embarrassed to be seen with you, or that you should never go out with her again. Take the incident for what it is and move on.

3. Keep the end goal in mind. 

Those who succeed in life and business keep an eye on the big picture. This means letting go of petty perceived slights and road bumps that present themselves each and every day. When you keep the end goal at the top of your mind, it is easier to negotiate with a difficult client, create successful, win-win partnerships, and focus your energy on what is most important — not getting sidetracked by petty annoyances and putting out little fires.

That goes for relationships, too. If a long-term committed partnership with your spouse is your top priority, then you are less likely to focus on the proverbial toothpaste cap conundrums that trip up so many couples. Even bigger issues such as differences in money management or raising kids are more easily negotiated when you are both focused on lifelong collaboration.

4. Cleanse out the toxins. 

Good business feeds off good energy — and negative people can destroy an organization. Entrepreneurs with high EQs know there are enough positive people in the world that there is no need to waste valuable energy managing the toxic ones. Sometimes even high performers are not a good fit if they are manipulative, combative or otherwise a negative force in the office.  

Ditto for your love life and business relationships. If someone zaps your energy or otherwise makes you feel bad about yourself, have the strength to move on. Emotionally intelligent people have little tolerance for others who are insincere (or downright lie), critical, needy or have addictive habits. There are some people who are better out of your life — or on the other side of the courtroom.

5. Stay connected. 

Just because a relationship ends doesn’t mean that you have to obliterate the bridge. Even if a deal falls apart on a sour note, emotionally intelligent people make all efforts to take the high road and keep the connection alive and positive. You never know when you may cross paths again — or need that person in the future.

Just because a relationship doesn’t last a lifetime doesn’t mean that you must part ways as enemies. More often than not relationships end because of differences or circumstances — not personal slights. When a bridge is still available, there is far more opportunity for you to enjoy richer experiences on nearly every level.

ERIC SCHIFFER, ENTREPRENEUR

Read more: http://www.entrepreneur.com/article/233040#ixzz31Av49u4h

19 Things The Millionaire Next Door Won't Tell You

Although having a million bucks isn’t as impressive as it once was, it’s still nothing to sneeze at.

In fact, Reuters reports that in 2009 there are 7.8 million millionaires in the United States. That’s a lot of people and the odds are one or two of them are living near you.

Heck, one of them might even be your neighbor. In fact, the odds are very good that it is your neighbor.

But, Len, you don’t know my neighbor.  That guy doesn’t look anything like a millionaire.

Well, guess what? A millionaire who is truly financially savvy won't be easily recognizable. 

1. He always spends less than he earns.  In fact his mantra is, over the long run, you’re better off if you strive to be anonymously rich rather than deceptively poor.

2. He knows that patience is a virtue. The odds are you won’t become a millionaire overnight.  If you’re like him, your wealth will be accumulated gradually by diligently saving your money over multiple decades.

3.  When you go to his modest three-bed two-bath house, you’re going to be drinking Folgers instead of Starbucks.  And if you need a lift, well, you’re going to get a ride in his ten-year-old economy sedan.  And if you think that makes him cheap, ask him if he cares.  (He doesn’t.)

4. He pays off his credit cards in full every month.  He’s smart enough to understand that if he can’t afford to pay cash for something, then he can’t afford it.

5. He realized early on that money does not buy happiness.  If you’re looking for nirvana, you need to focus on attaining financial freedom.

6. He never forgets that financial freedom is a state of mind that comes from being debt free.  Best of all, it can be attained regardless of your income level.

7. He knows that getting a second job not only increases the size of your bank account quicker but it also keeps you busy – and being busy makes it difficult to spend what you already have.

8. He understands that money is like a toddler; it is incapable of managing itself.  After all, you can’t expect your money to grow and mature as it should without some form of credible money management.

9. He’s a big believer in paying yourself first. Paying yourself first is an essential tenet of personal finance and a great way to build your savings and instill financial discipline.

10. Although it’s possible to get rich if you spend your life making a living doing something you don’t enjoy, he wonders why you do.  Life is too short.

11.  He knows that failing to plan is the same as planning to fail.  He also knows that the few millionaires that reached that milestone without a plan got there only because of dumb luck.   It’s not enough to simply declare that you want to be financially free.

12. When it came time to set his savings goals, he wasn’t afraid to think big.  Financial success demands that you have a vision that is significantly larger than you can currently deliver upon.

13. Over time, he found out that hard work can often help make up for a lot of financial mistakes – and you will make financial mistakes.

14. He realizes that stuff happens, that’s why you’re a fool if you don’t insure yourself against risk. Remember that the potential for bankruptcy is always just around the corner and can be triggered from multiple sources: the death of the family’s key bread winner, divorce, or disability that leads to a loss of work.

15. He understands that time is an ally of the young.  He was fortunate enough to begin saving in his twenties so he could take maximum advantage of the power of compounding interest on his nest egg.

16. He knows that you can’t spend what you don’t see.  You should use automatic paycheck deductions to build up your retirement and other savings accounts.  As your salary increases you can painlessly increase the size of those deductions.

17. Even though he has a job that he loves, he doesn’t have to work anymore because everything he owns is paid for – and has been for years.

18. He’s not impressed that you drive an over-priced luxury car and live in a McMansion that’s two sizes too big for your family of four.

19. After six months of asking, he finally quit waiting for you to return his pruning shears.  He broke down and bought himself a new pair last month.  There’s no hard feelings though; he can afford it.

So that’s it.  Now you know what your millionaire neighbor won’t tell you.

Read more: http://www.businessinsider.com/how-to-act-like-a-millionaire-2013-8#ixzz312PLnPeT

15 Revealing Signs You Genuinely Love What You Do

 
Passion and purpose--in short, doing what you love--can be difficult to find. Some people search forever. Some gain remarkable skills and talents only to think, "I'm great at this... so why don't I feel successful?" Others, even after building successful businesses, suddenly think, "Hold on. This is just not me."

See what you think. While some of the following may not be true all of the time, when you love what you do many should be the case much of the time. There's a results chart at the end so keep track of how many apply to you:

1. You don't struggle to stay disciplined; you struggle to prioritize. Your problem definitely isn't staying busy and on task. Getting going isn't an issue. Your problem is you have so many things you want to do you struggle to decide what to do first.

2. You think, "I hope I get to..." instead of, "I hope I don't have to..." When you love your work it's like peeling an onion. There are always more layers to discover and explore. When you hate your work it's also like peeling an onion--but all you find are more tears.

3. You don't talk about other people; you talk about the cool things other people are doing. "I hear Chad just invested in a startup. What are they working on?"; "I can't believe Angie won their business back; I'd love to know how she did it."; "Cecilia developed a new sales channel. Let's ask her how we can best leverage that."
When you love your work you don't gossip about the personal failings of others. You talk about their successes because you're happy for them (which is also also a sign you're happy with yourself.)

4. You think about what you will say, not how you will say it. You don't have to worry about agendas or politics or subtle machinations. You trust your team--and they trust you.

5. You see your internal and external customers not as people to satisfy but simply as people. You don't customers as numbers. They're real people who have real needs. And you gain a real sense of fulfillment and purpose from taking care of those needs.

6. You enjoy your time at work. You don't have to put in time at work and then escape to "life" to be happy. You enjoy life and enjoy work. You feel alive and joyful not just at home but also at work. When you love your work it's a part of your life.

7. You enjoy attending meetings. No, seriously, you enjoy meetings. Why? Because you like being at the center of thoughtful, challenging discussions that lead to decisions, initiatives, and changes--changes you help make happen.

8. You don't think about surviving. You think about winning. You don't worry much about your business failing. You're more worried about your business not achieving its potential. And you worry about whether you're making as big an impact as you can. Those are good worries.

9. You're excited about what you're doing, but you're more excited about the people you're doing it with. Why? They're smart. Passionate. Confident. Funny. Dedicated. Giving. Inspiring. 

10. You hardly ever look at the clock. You're too busy making things happen. And when you do look at the clock, you often find that the time has flown.

11. You view success in terms of fulfillment and gratification, not just money. Everyone wants to build something bigger. Everyone wants benefit financially. Yet somewhere along the way your work has come to mean a lot more to you than just a living. And if you left your business, even if for something that paid more, you would still miss it. A lot.

12. You leave work with items on your to-do list you're excited about tackling tomorrow. Many people cross the "fun" tasks off their to-do lists within the first hour or two. You often have cool stuff--new initiatives, side projects, hunches you want to confirm with data, people you want to talk to--left over when it's time to go home.

13. You help without thinking. You like seeing your employees succeed so it's second nature to help them out. You pitch in automatically. And they do the same for you.

14. You don't think about retirement because retirement sounds boring..and a lot less fulfilling.

15. Your business is a business you would want your children to run. There may be aspects of your business you wouldn't wish on your worst enemy, much less your kids: insufferable customers, unbearable employees, difficult working conditions, uncertain long-term prospects.

If you would say to your child, "No, I would never want you to have to deal with that..." Why do allow yourself to continue to deal with that?
Naturally you want your kids to be happy. You also deserve to be happy. List the problems and then fix the problems.

Read more: http://www.inc.com/jeff-haden/15-revealing-signs-you-genuinely-love-what-you-do.html#ixzz30OnzXFPUay, Reinvest

 

This post originally appeared at Inc.

6 Leadership Styles, And When You Should Use Them

Taking a team from ordinary to extraordinary means understanding and embracing the difference between management and leadership. According to writer and consultant Peter Drucker, "Management is doing things right; leadership is doing the right things."

Change leadership styles
Not only do the greatest teammates allow different leaders to consistently emerge based on their strengths, but also they realize that leadership can and should be situational, depending on the needs of the team. Sometimes a teammate needs a warm hug. Sometimes the team needs a visionary, a new style of coaching, someone to lead the way or even, on occasion, a kick in the bike shorts. For that reason, great leaders choose their leadership style like a golfer chooses his or her club, with a calculated analysis of the matter at hand, the end goal and the best tool for the job.

My favorite study on the subject of kinetic leadership is Daniel Goleman’s Leadership That Gets Results, a landmark 2000 Harvard Business Review study. Goleman and his team completed a three-year study with over 3,000 middle-level managers. Their goal was to uncover specific leadership behaviors and determine their effect on the corporate climate and each leadership style’s effect on bottom-line profitability.
The research discovered that a manager’s leadership style was responsible for 30% of the company’s bottom-line profitability! That’s far too much to ignore. Imagine how much money and effort a company spends on new processes, efficiencies, and cost-cutting methods in an effort to add even one percent to bottom-line profitability, and compare that to simply inspiring managers to be more kinetic with their leadership styles. It’s a no-brainer.

Here are the six leadership styles Goleman uncovered among the managers he studied, as well as a brief analysis of the effects of each style on the corporate climate:

1. The pacesetting leader expects and models excellence and self-direction. If this style were summed up in one phrase, it would be “Do as I do, now.” The pacesetting style works best when the team is already motivated and skilled, and the leader needs quick results. Used extensively, however, this style can overwhelm team members and squelch innovation.
   
2. The authoritative leader mobilizes the team toward a common vision and focuses on end goals, leaving the means up to each individual. If this style were summed up in one phrase, it would be “Come with me.” The authoritative style works best when the team needs a new vision because circumstances have changed, or when explicit guidance is not required. Authoritative leaders inspire an entrepreneurial spirit and vibrant enthusiasm for the mission. It is not the best fit when the leader is working with a team of experts who know more than him or her.
   
3. The affiliative leader works to create emotional bonds that bring a feeling of bonding and belonging to the organization. If this style were summed up in one phrase, it would be “People come first.” The affiliative style works best in times of stress, when teammates need to heal from a trauma, or when the team needs to rebuild trust. This style should not be used exclusively, because a sole reliance on praise and nurturing can foster mediocre performance and a lack of direction.
   
4. The coaching leader develops people for the future. If this style were summed up in one phrase, it would be “Try this.” The coaching style works best when the leader wants to help teammates build lasting personal strengths that make them more successful overall. It is least effective when teammates are defiant and unwilling to change or learn, or if the leader lacks proficiency.
   
5. The coercive leader demands immediate compliance. If this style were summed up in one phrase, it would be “Do what I tell you.” The coercive style is most effective in times of crisis, such as in a company turnaround or a takeover attempt, or during an actual emergency like a tornado or a fire. This style can also help control a problem teammate when everything else has failed. However, it should be avoided in almost every other case because it can alienate people and stifle flexibility and inventiveness.
   
6. The democratic leader builds consensus through participation. If this style were summed up in one phrase, it would be “What do you think?” The democratic style is most effective when the leader needs the team to buy into or have ownership of a decision, plan, or goal, or if he or she is uncertain and needs fresh ideas from qualified teammates. It is not the best choice in an emergency situation, when time is of the essence for another reason or when teammates are not informed enough to offer sufficient guidance to the leader.

Bottom line? If you take two cups of authoritative leadership, one cup of democratic, coaching, and affiliative leadership, and a dash of pacesetting and coercive leadership “to taste,” and you lead based on need in a way that elevates and inspires your team, you’ve got an excellent recipe for long-term leadership success with every team in your life.

Robyn Benincasa is a two-time Adventure Racing World Champion, two-time Guinness World Record distance kayaker, a full-time firefighter, and author of the new book, HOW WINNING WORKS: 8 Essential Leadership Lessons from the Toughest Teams on Earth, from which this article is excerpted. (Harlequin Nonfiction, June 2012)
[Image: Flickr user Bas Kers]

                                                 


Today is Good Friday, the day on which Christians commemorate the crucifixion and death of Jesus Christ. The name may seem counterintuitive to many Christians and nonbelievers, since the day is typically viewed as a solemn one, often observed with fasting and somber processions. Why is Good Friday calledGood Friday?

Probably because good used to mean holy. There are a few theories about why Good Friday is called Good Friday, but only one seems to be supported by linguists and by historical evidence.

The first of these theories is that Good Friday is called Good Friday because, Christians believe, there is something very good about it: It is the anniversary, they say, of Jesus suffering and dying for their sins. “That terrible Friday has been called Good Friday because it led to the Resurrection of Jesus and his victory over death and sin and the celebration of Easter, the very pinnacle of Christian celebrations,” the Huffington Post suggests. Perhaps this logic has helped the name stick—it is certainly how many Christians today understand the name—but it is not where the name originally comes from.

The second theory is that the Good in Good Friday derives from God or “God’s Friday.” Wikipedia, for example, puts this theory forward citing a 1909 entry inThe Catholic Encyclopedia. In a separate article on the same subject, theHuffington Post does the same. However, there seems to be no basis for this etymology. “The origin from God is out of the question” according to Anatoly Liberman, a professor at the University of Minnesota who studies the origins of English words. (Liberman also told me that English speakers have a long history of speculating about a relationship between the word good and the word godwhere there is none.) The linguist and lexicographer Ben Zimmer agreed, noting that the German for Good Friday isn’t actually “Gottes Freitag” (“God’s Friday”), as the Catholic Encyclopedia suggests, but rather Karfreitag (“Sorrowful Friday”). “None of the early examples in the Oxford English Dictionary imply that it started off as God’s rather than Good, so I don’t really see this as more than speculative etymology,” Zimmer added.

The third and final theory, the one supported by both the Oxford English Dictionary and every language expert I contacted, is that the name comes from an antiquated meaning of good. “The answer seems pretty clearly to be that it’s from good ‘holy,’ ” responded Jesse Sheidlower, the president of the American Dialect Society, when I put this question to him. Liberman agreed, noting that if you consider the other names for Good Friday—“Sacred Friday” in the Romance languages (Viernes Santo, e.g.), “Passion Friday” in Russian—“the OED’s explanation makes excellent sense.” The OED also notes that there was onceGood Wednesday, the Wednesday before Easter, which these days is more commonly known as Holy Wednesday.